A Difficult "No": My Honest Experience With an Arranged Match in Amritsar

A few years back, my elder brother’s friend Vijay Kumar told me he knew a potential marriage match for me—the sister of one of his friends. Soon after, my family, Vijay Kumar, and I all set off to meet the girl and her family in Amritsar.


From the moment we arrived, her family welcomed us so warmly. They were joyful and made us feel right at home. After some tea ☕, the girl's brother called her in. She entered quietly, visibly shy and nervous (which is pretty common in these situations). Honestly, I didn’t feel any spark—maybe I didn’t like her that way, or maybe just nothing clicked for me.


As per Punjabi custom, we gathered outside to talk it over. Vijay Kumar asked for my opinion, and I admitted I didn’t feel a connection. My family felt the same. It became clear to the girl’s family that things weren’t going to work out. Her shyness melted away, only to be replaced by noticeable sadness as she quietly slipped back into her room.


Watching her reaction, a wave of guilt rushed over me. I felt terrible, as if I’d done something cruel. I wished I could sit with her, explain that it wasn’t her fault, and comfort her. But, traditions and society being what they are, that kind of honest conversation wasn’t possible. Honestly, if things were more open, I’d have wanted to reassure her and tell her she deserves someone truly excited to be with her.


Saying “no” is never easy for me. I’m usually a “yes” person, and decisions like this weigh heavy. But I knew marrying someone just for the sake of it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.


Despite everything, her family’s kindness touched my heart. Even after realizing the proposal wouldn’t work, they insisted we stay for lunch—something almost unheard of in such situations. Their generosity and warmth will always stay with me.


Final thoughts:

“Looking back, I have no regrets. Sometimes, saying “no” can feel harsh, but it’s far kinder than saying “yes” when your heart’s not in it. Because marriage isn’t just about responsibility—it’s about love, connection, and shared values.”





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